When I am forced to write things down and review them, diabetes, who already takes over a lot of my life, looms even larger. If I think too much about diabetes, I become less able to handle the daily ups and downs with grace. I start looking back on the 'good old days' and I feel overwhelmed when I look ahead at a lifetime of diabetesness.
Amazing how one's mindset can be affected by having to write things down in a little notebook.
I've decided that enough is enough. One Monday, you put up with me whining about my appointment and you've read yesterday's trip down diamemory lane. Today, we're looking on the bright side:
Thank you for teaching me to enjoy my food. Thanks to you I no longer mindlessly eat what's in front of me and, instead, I choose things I really want and I enjoy them.
Thank you for teaching me to take care of myself as a whole. I no longer go to the Y and focus on having nice abs or strong arms. Thanks to you I take care of myself from top to bottom, inside and out. I am healthier now despite you.
Thank you for teaching me about priorities and teaching me about living in the present. Yes, I still save for retirement but I live for this moment. And the next one. Because you taught me that those are the only ones that are guaranteed. The same is true for all people but most don't realize how tenuous life is. You remind me every day so thank you.
Thank you for teaching me to be independent and brave. When you first came into my life I was afraid to go anywhere alone. Then I was afraid to do anything different in case my blood sugar plummeted and I was alone. I was afraid to go for a walk to the corner - even with three juice boxes in my bag just in case. Slowly but surely my confidence grew and now I'll tackle anything. The more afraid it makes me, the more stubbornly I tackle it.
You taught me to laugh at myself. To be organized. To be prepared. To be spontaneous and to say yes to everything.
You introduced me to some amazing people who remind me daily that diabetes doesn't end life. It enriches it.
And if you don't like being dragged to the pool at 5:30am, on 25 kilometre runs in the sweltering August heat or on 40 kilometre bike rides up and down the hills of Niagara - well that's just too darn bad. I do these things because of you so you might as well learn to enjoy them.
...Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...