A Little Too Impressive

Last Friday, I went to hear Vicki Keith speak. She is a pretty famous Canadian who has accomplished some pretty impressive swims.

Vicki swam across Lake Ontario doing the butterfly. Imagine that for a moment. Imagine the amount of energy that would take. It makes swimming across the lake doing freestyle seem almost easy.

Another time, she swam a return trip across the lake. Swim across, touch the 'wall' turn around and swim back. They told her it could not be done. So she did it.

She swam across all five Great Lakes in one summer even though they told her it could not be done. In fact she swam across all five Great Lakes in one summer precisely because they told her it could not be done.

While I listened to her speak, I kept leaning over to my friend next to me to whisper words of shock.

She swam for 100 hours straight?!?!

She swam the butterfly across Lake Ontario!?!?

Vicki Keith is a pretty impressive athlete and is equally impressive outside of the water. She coaches swimmers with physical disabilities. She has raised over $1,000,000 towards this cause. She is a motivational speaker. As they introduced her I lost track of all the world records she had set.

Last Friday I went to hear what she had to say.

I was impressed. I really was.

But I was not motivated.

Vicki has accomplished such incredible feats that they seem superhuman.

If she had been an accomplished 10k swimmer, I would have been motivated. I would have felt that she was someone to look up to, to pin up in my locker, to read more about.

Instead, the things she talked about were so big they almost didn't sound real.

Is it possible for people to be so impressive that, instead of motivating, they actually do the opposite? Most humans could never do what she talked about doing. It's just too big. Too overwhelming.

The idea of swimming for 10 hours is inspiring. The idea of swimming for 100 hours is not. Not to me anyway. That sort of thing falls into the category of fascinating. Of interesting. Of amazing.

But not motivating.

I know. It surprised me too.

Mow Tee Vay Shun.

Motivation is a funny thing.

You'd think we either have it or we don't.

We are either motivated to exercise...or we are not.

But it's not that simple.

Some people are motivated to run but only if they have someone to run with. Take away their running buddy and you take away their motivation.

Other people are good to go...until their iPod dies on the way out the door. No music. No motivation.

Running is the easiest activity for me to do. As long as I have even the sniff of a goal off in the distance, I'm good to go. I don't need to run with other people. In fact, I avoid it most of the time. I run with music but can do just as well without. And my pace is so consistent that the threat of my Garmin dying isn't enough to keep my home either. I can predict my return time within a minute or two and am usually right. And I know my running routes so well that I can figure out how many kilometres I've run without any technological assistance.

Swimming on the other hand is greatly affected by the motivation monsters.

I am always happy to go the pool...as long as I know that there will be someone there to tell me what to do...and as long as I am part of a Masters class which guarantees that we have our own lanes with people who are all there to do the same thing.

There are no Masters classes this week or next because of March break. Guess who didn't go to the pool once? Guess who doesn't feel the least bit bad about it? I keep track of our workouts so it's not hard to write one down and do it on my own but I know myself. If I went I would get at least an hour in but I would find it boring because I was doing it alone and I would get annoyed with people in my lane if I even perceived them to be 'in my way'.

Actually, it might be a little less about lack of motivation and a little more about being a brat...

Cycling is the same.

I'm happy to get up early and head down to the basement for a workout on the trainer. But it's only going to work if there is a cycling video with some hyped-up person with a stopwatch telling me that I'm doing a great job and that I only have two minutes of high cadence spinning left before I get to spin easy for 60 seconds.

Those people who can cycle while watching episodes of House of Cards seem very strange to me. If I did that I'd find myself sitting stock still on the bike watching the plot unfold.

When I swim, I need someone to tell me what to do, how long to do it for, and how hard to push.

When I cycle I need someone to tell me what gears to use, how fast to spin and how long my breaks are allowed to be.

When I run, I get up, put my shoes on, head out the door into (almost) any weather, and run the distance that I know I'm going to run.

Motivation is so strange sometimes isn't it?

It's not about whether we have it or we don't. I think it's more about figuring out what it takes to get it and then making sure we have what it takes. Even if it means skipping the pool when there is no one to yell at me and watching the same damn cycling videos over and over until spring.

The Motivation Behind the Motivation

Last week I had essentially the same discussion with three very different people. 

Topic: What motivates us to exercise? 

Three different friends. The different body types. Three different jobs, lifestyles, eating habits and weekend schedules. The main thing they have in common is that all three of them exercise. Two of them are, among other things, runners. The third does not run but does other activities. 

All three people I talked with told me similar stories. They exercised to deal with stress or anxiety. They exercised because their bodies needed the release. Two of them even went so far as to say that exercise had nothing to do with health for them. It was all about managing their stress and anxiety. 

I told all three of them that my motivation for exercise is health. Or, to be more precise, my motivation for exercise is diabetes. 

Maintaining a regular exercise schedule does wonders for my health and my blood sugar. It is much easier to control manage appease the diabetes gods if I give them predictable activity. I have found a routine that works for me and makes me happy but I don't technically need to run, cycle and swim. I could just as easily row, powerwalk and take zumba classes. It's not about the sports, it's all about moving. 

Back to my conversations from last week... 

One of my friends was been injured for a few months and therefore cannot run. She is finding that very difficult because her stress level is less manageable without that regular release. She has tried swimming but it just doesn't cut it. 

Two other friends have found other ways to manage their anxiety levels and, as a result, the crazy drive they used to feel has diminished and they no longer have the push they need to get out there and exercise. They both recognize that their motivation has all but disappeared and are both trying to find other ways to push themselves but it is a struggle. 

During my Saturday morning long run, I was thinking a lot about those conversations. I realize the ridiculousness of this next statement but I still believe that there is a lot of truth to it: I am lucky to have a chronic illness that scares the bejesus out of me. 

I love cycling.

I love swimming. 

I love running. 

That alone is enough to get me moving most mornings. 

But knowing that I dramatically increase my chances of staying healthy and whole if I exercise keeps me moving when I no longer want to. When the mornings are cold and dark and I would rather curl up in bed. 

Unlike my friends who exercise because it helps them deal with stress and anxiety - my motivation will never go away. 

Why Are YOU Running?

October is marathon month.

That means two things:

• everything in our running store is 26.2% off (yay!)
• there are a hell of a lot of marathons going on this month

I have a lot of friends running marathons over the next three weeks.

Some are running Chicago this Sunday.

Others are running Toronto in two weeks.

A whole bunch of us are running Niagara Falls in 19 days.  Oh yes folks, we have gone from 126 days to a mere 19.  Yikes!

We may not have been there together for every run but we were all training together and the support in person and online has been tremendous.

Now that we are so close to race day(s), the posting of inspirational running quotes, posters, photos and videos on Facebook has started and will continue until the last of us cross the finish line.

Many, like me, are running our first marathon.  Some are running because this year is a special birthday year (40, 50 etc) and they want to run a marathon to celebrate.  Others are doing it to cross it off their bucket list.  Some are running because the marathon happens to fall on their wedding anniversary (hi Brian, hi Nancy!) and what a great way to celebrate.  Some jumped on the marathon bandwagon and figured what the hell?  I'm sure a few are asking themselves why the hell they ever thought this was a good idea.

I am running Niagara because of this poster:

I saw it when Doug and I were in Boston for the marathon.  He ran the marathon - I took pictures.  Well, except that I missed taking HIS picture which I'm still being teased about.  "I was just so excited to see you I forgot to take a picture!"

Back to the poster.  This picture does not do it justice in terms of how huge and dominating the poster was.  I just stopped and stared up in awe when I saw it.

I was already caught up in marathon fever - it's hard not to be when you're in Boston on marathon weekend.  I had been mistaken for a marathoner several times already - hard not to be when you're walking around in running gear.

I looked up, saw the poster and decided then and there to try a marathon.

I don't know if I'm a marathoner the way some people are.  I know several people who run multiple marathons every year.  They are always either training, tapering or recovering so that they can start training again.

Am I a marathoner? I won't know until I try.  My first race of any distance is usually pretty challenging and yet I've always wanted to do another one when I crossed the finish line.

I may fall in love with the marathon.  I may curse it forever.

What I do know is that I fell in love with the training.  The distances that felt so overwhelming are now no big deal.  I am so much stronger than I was back in June when this craziness started.

The training has already won my heart.

Let's see what the marathon does.

I Don't Wanna!

I mentioned when I was training for Around the Bay back in March that I love training for races.

I also mentioned (probably more than once) that I am not a big fan of races.

I love seeing how far my mind and my body can go when they work together.  I love looking at a crisp new training schedule and trying to imagine being able to do what I will have to do by the end.  It always seems overwhelming and yet, somehow, I always do it.

Around the Bay - I had to take my body from 13k to 30k in 12 weeks.  I had never run more than 22k before in my life.  It seemed crazy to even think about running 30k.  Yet every week we added 2k and, all of a sudden, I could do it.

I love that part.

I don't love race day.

Niagara Falls - I have to take my body from 16k to 42.2k in 18 weeks.  Before we started I had only run 30 once and it was hard.  Really hard.  I have since learned that anything, when broken down into small enough steps, is manageable.  I have already run 30k twice during this training and will run it twice more (and then some) before race day.  I no longer need the next day off work when I run 21.1k.  Now I can run 3+ hours,  stretch, shower and go to the market.  The next day I can go for a 35k bike ride.  What an amazing machine my body is becoming.

I can honestly say that I have never in my life been as fit as I am today.

My mind has toughened up along with my body because, well, because it had to.  There is no way I can run the distances I have to run without my mind and body both having the strength and stamina.  It's as much a mind game as a physical one.  That too I have learned this summer.

So now, as I look at the calendar and I see two more long runs before we start to taper, I'm feeling a little sad.  The training is almost over.  The challenge of pushing ourselves a little more every week is almost done.  Soon we will taper.  Soon we will 'only' have to run 25k on Saturday.  Then 16k.  Then 16 again.

Then we race.

I don't wanna!!

I'm not ready yet.  I'm not ready for the pressure of race day.  I'm not ready for 18 weeks of training to be measured in five hours of running.  I'm not ready for everything I've learned and worked so hard for to have to come together into some magical combination that will (hopefully) allow me to push my body beyond the beyond and still be upright and semi-coherent at the end.

I think I have performance anxiety.

I've never been good at things I only get one shot at.  Every piano exam I ever did was a disaster.  Before exam day I could play everything beautifully.  I had memorized every note of every song and then, on exam day, it fell apart.  Every time.  Being the stubborn lass that I am I continued to take exams. They forced me to practice.  I always enjoyed the year spent preparing for the exam and I would hate exam day.

I continue to sign up for races because it keeps me honest.  I love the training but, on the days I don't want to get up, the thought of race day drags me out of bed.  Actually, it scares me out of bed.  In the magically happy world inside my head here's how things should go.  I wake up on October 23rd, have my breakfast, put on my running shoes, head out on the country roads before the sun even rises, run 42.2k and some lady in a volunteer jacket is standing in front of my house with a bottle of water and a finisher's medal.  No fuss.  No spectators.  No distractions.  Just me, my running shoes and the open road.

I don't like races.

Did I mention that?

Seven Check Marks

I have my running schedule posted at work by my desk as well as in the kitchen by the back door. 

When I put them up, I think the point was to inspire and motivate me but sometimes looking at them just makes me feel tired.

Every time I finish another week, I put a checkmark on the schedule. 

Seven checkmarks so far...

...eleven more to go.

Most of the time, I try to take it one run at a time.  It's easier that way because, if you stand back far enough to see the proverbial forest for the trees, it's a really freakin' big forest.  Full of wolves and badgers and other scary things lurking in the shadows.  So I find it best to just deal with one run (or tree if you prefer) at a time. 

I sat at the kitchen counter the other day and asked Doug what the hardest part of training for a marathon was.  "Do you mean the hardest run?" he asked.  No, I mean that point in which is just feels hardest.  Is now the hardest part?  When we're pretty far into the training and feeling kinda tired and yet we're not even half way there yet? 

Is the week with the most mileage the hardest simply because it's the most physically demanding?

Is the week before the race the hardest because it's close enough to touch and very scary?

Doug said that, for him, tapering is the hardest.  You've done the long runs and now, as things slow down, you have a few weeks to worry and wonder whether you're strong enough to do what you need to do on race day.   

Interesting. 

I am not one for making predictions but I have a feeling that I'm entering the hardest part right now... for me anyway. I have that same feeling I get when we have to do an out and back long run and those last few kilometres before the turn around point seem interminable.  That's what it feels like right now.  I just want to get over that hump and be able to count down the weeks until the race rather than counting up. 

So physically, the hardest may be yet to come but psychologically it feels like I might be there now. 

Which is ok really because it's not like I'm feeling depressed or overwhelmed about what I have left to do.  I'm just trotting along, doing what I need to do, until I get to turn around. 

Once I turn around I'll be able to see the finish line far off in the distance.  And that will give me something to run for.

Just Call Me G.I.Jane

I think I’m going to like this marathon training thing.

Knowing that I’m going to have to run 42.2 kilometers in October is turning out to be a fabulous motivator.

I suddenly have the equivalent of a drill sergeant on all of my runs now. Here’s how it goes.

Scene: a long long road leading off into the distance. The sun is beating down. There is no breeze.

Enter diabetic marathon hopeful.

“Wow, this is hard. I’m getting really tired. I think I’m going to slow down my pace a little bit.”

Enter drill sergeant.

“Are you freaking kidding me?? You’ve only run 8k. You think you’re tired now. How the hell are you going to survive 42k if you’re tired now? I’ll show you tired. MOVE YOUR ASS SOLDIER!”

“Holy crap – 14k is a long way. I’m just going to walk for ten seconds once I get to the top of the overpass. Just long enough to drink some water. ”

“Don’t you dare think about stopping. I will shoot your feet if you even slow down. If you're going to stop it better be because you're doing pushups.  Fourteen kilometers is exactly one third of a marathon. If you can’t handle that, you might as well drag your lazy ass home and not come back until you’re ready to be a marathoner.”

He's a bit of an ass but he does have a point. I think I know what tired feels like but I really have no idea.

I got a taste of tired during the last few kilometers of Around the Bay. I was so exhausted that it just felt easier to keep running than to debate with myself as to whether or not I should stop. My mind was too tired to think up reasons to stop or reasons to keep going. So I just kept running because it was the fastest way to get the darn thing over with.

That feeling is how I imagine the last 12k of Niagara Falls are going to be like.

So my friendly neighbourhood drill sergeant has become a standard part of my running paraphernalia. On every run I bring my water belt, snacks, Garmin, Shuffle and a voice in my head that yells at me.

It really does work though. Any excuse that I might have had to slack off during a run is easily reduced to mush with one simple sentence. If you slack off now, how the hell will you be able to push through when it really gets hard?

So I suck it up and keep moving forward.

The other trick that has been working really well is to pretend that, whatever distance I’m running, that is the distance to the finish line of the marathon. So, when I ran 14k on Saturday, I pretended I was running the last 14k. I imagined feeling exhausted and pushing through it. I imagined feeling nauseated and pushing through that. I used my music to motivate me rather than just keep the pace and I would not let myself slow below a certain pace no matter how I was feeling.

I don’t know if doing this stuff is crazy or a great way to get into the marathon mindset. The voice in my head says it’s good...