Wednesday, March 12, 2014

My Not-So-Marketable Job Skills

I have a whole pile of rather bizarre talents that help me through my days but really would not do much to plump up a resume. Still, it's important to celebrate the little things sometimes. Here is a sample of things I could put on a resume but don't. For obvious reasons.

- I can eyeball whether or not the drop of blood on my finger tip is big enough to fill a test strip.

- I can also eyeball the silhouette of a drop of blood at 3am and know whether it's big enough or not.

- I can test my blood sugar and then use one hand to input that number into Dexter and the other to program in a bolus for my lunch. All at the same time people.

- Using only dates and raisins I can start and end a 13k run with my blood sugar the same at the beginning and the end.

(I won't mention the days when I can finish a run with a blood sugar that is three times what it was when I started.)

- I can sit on the couch watching television. Beside me is a plate of chocolate just waiting to be eaten. And yet I can ignore its tempting cries for a half hour as I wait for the insulin bolus to kick in.

- I am so stealthy that I can pull out my glucometer, unzip it, prick my finger, draw blood, test it, put the glucometer back in my purse, end the number in Dexter, lean over to my pump, program in a bolus, listen to the whirring noise as it goes in and the beep when it is done. And the person sitting next to me in the meeting or on the plane won't even notice. So very very stealthy.

- Speaking of stealthy, I can have a low in the middle of a curling game, eat a few packages of fruit chews on the ice and carry on like nothing happened.

- I can bring food and water everywhere. Even in places where it is not allowed. Why? Because I have diabetes. And that makes me exempt from many of the rules that apply in sports arenas, government buildings and art galleries. For a small fee I am happy to put your snack in my purse when we go through security.

- I can jab sharp objects into my skin. At will. Over and over and over and over again.

- At 3am I can tell the difference between all the different vibrations coming from my bedside table. One for an email, two for a high blood sugar, three for a low one. Four for a really really low one. Five or more for a phone call.

- I can spot insulin pump tubing sticking out from under someone's shirt from 100m. And I'm perfectly comfortable walking up to that total stranger and saying hello.

- I can laugh at myself.

References available upon request. 

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