Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Hot Pants

Anyone else out there use Groupon? WagJag? OneSpout? I do. I've bought a few things over the past year - notably a coupon for a bike tuneup at BikeFit and a few restaurant Groupons. Other than that, I check them out every morning and quickly decide that I don't need teeth whitening, acne cleaning or all inclusive weekends in Bermuda.  Still, there are enough good deals on there that I keep coming back...just in case.

Monday's Groupon was 58% off Weight Loss Hot Pants.

It's hard to dismiss an offer like that. Particularly when one has absolutely no idea what Weight Loss Hot Pants actually are.

So I clicked on it. 

The first thing I saw was a closeup of a woman's behind as she ran up a set of stairs.  She was, I assumed, wearing Hot Pants.

Then I read the description of the item.  Here is it for your enjoyment:

"Today's athletic wear incorporates technological innovation into its very threads, a feat visible in styles that force legs to jog and promise to tickle their wearers until they've reached their maximum heart rates."

Followed by:

"Zaggora's hip-hugging HotPants slim bodies by up to two jeans sizes in two weeks using a comfortable bioceramic material that emits infrared rays to help women naturally and efficiently amp up weight-loss regimens. The shorts' Celu-Lite technologysmoothes thighs and other dimple-prone areas by galvanizing the skin's internal zamboni to promote a deep warming of body tissues and promote lymphatic drainage. This process boosts sweating by up to 80 per cent and aids in eliminating the toxins responsible for cellulite. Ladies can sport HotPants alone or under other clothing while awake and active, asleep in bed, or while executing a series of high kicks when sleepwalking."

Seriously?!?

I clicked on the links and checked out the website.  I went to their Facebook page and read post after post on their wall.  I checked the calendar to confirm that it was indeed January 16th and not April 1st.  And I concluded that this is a legitimate Groupon offer.  In fact, over 22 had been purchased by 10am.

So either I am really gullible and this is some sort of Groupon joke or lots of other people are really gullible and believe that wearing ticklish zamboni shorts will somehow contribute to weight loss.  

This is where I sigh. 

I do not struggle with obesity but I know how hard it is just to maintain my weight so I can imagine (a little bit anyway) how hard it must be to lose weight.  I am not dying of a horrible disease so I can't imagine (although diabetes helps me imagine a little bit) how tempting farfetched cures like shark cartilage and peach pits must be.  

These Hot Pants are really funny in some ways and it's easy to laugh at the ridiculousness of the description.  

But people buy them because of that description.  Because of the comments on a Facebook wall swearing that they helped someone lose two dress sizes in two weeks.  Because they've tried everything else and this is their next hope. 

And that makes me sad.  

And angry.  

People who are vulnerable, people who are desperate, people who have tried everything else will try anything in the hope that it will work.  And products like Hot Pants capitalize on that desperation.  

If only it were that easy. 

We'd all be sporting Hot Pants and our body sizes would be shrinking by the minute.  

For the record, the cost of those pants is approximately the cost of a three month unlimited membership at my local pool.  Just saying...

2 comments:

  1. I'm currently wearing said Hot Pants. I hope they work!! j/k

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  2. I googled Zaggora's hip-hugging HotPants and thankfully, hit upon YOU first. I have not laughed this much in a while, Celine. Thank you. Now I need to go check out that 'all inclusive weekend in Bermuda" groupon you mentioned.... Keep smiling!

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