It's a question I ask all the time - I never outgrew that curiosity stage of being a kid. Why do things work the way they do? Why do people behave the way they behave? Why does one shampoo work better than another at removing chlorine from my hair? Why does pasta always take a minute or two longer to cook than the package instructions say it will? Why why why?
What I do not tend to do is ask why I run. Why I swim. Or, most importantly, why I care about taking care of the crazy diabetes rabbit. They fall in the same category as getting dressed in the morning or making my lunch for work.
I just do those things. They take planning for sure but the planning doesn't involve if, it just involves when and how.
Why do I run?
I run because it makes me feel like superwoman when I do. I run because I love the feeling of filling my lungs with fresh air (hot or cold) and I love feeling nature, whether it it working with me or against me. I run because there was a time when I couldn't and then there was a time when I wasn't sure I'd be able to anymore. I can and I still can and every run reaffirms that. I run because, when I am not running and I see another runner, I want to be running. I run because I get a kick out of doing things that are hard to do. I run because I love the feeling of stretching warmed up muscles and the shower afterwards. I run because it makes me proud to say that I am a runner and even prouder when people ask me if I am because I look like one.
Why do I swim?
I swim because, everyone once in a while I am perfectly aerodynamic in the water and I feel like I imagine a dolphin must feel. The feeling doesn't last long before I go back to fighting against the water but I keep swimming because I keep trying for it. I swim because it was really hard when I started and now I can take whatever Christine throws at me. I am proud of that and don't want to lose it. I swim because there are some pretty amazing people who get up hours before the sun to swim and I want to be one of them. I swim because of how sleek my body feels when I glide along and how strong it feels when I sprint through the water.
Why do I take care of the crazy diabetes rabbit?
There isn't really a magic formula for taking care of diabetes day in and day out. The simple truth is that I can't imagine not caring about my blood sugars and not taking care of myself. Sure, there are plenty of days when it doesn't seem to matter how much I care - diabetes is still going to win the battle - but that doesn't matter. The next day I wake up and start fresh again. It's a challenge - I like challenges. It's a mathematical juggling act - I like playing with numbers and figuring out patterns. I know deep down that, if I stopped caring about my diabetes management, I would probably be ok for a long time before serious complications started happening. That, for many people, would be reason enough not to care. I don't think about it that way though. It's like saying that it's easier not to shower and brush your teeth in the morning so why bother. True enough but I sure feel better when I'm showered and minty fresh. I also feel better when my blood sugars are where I want them.
Maybe that's ultimately why I do what I do.
Because it feels better than not doing it.