I Hate Blood Sugar Brain

Diabetics: the only people who take drugs so that they don't get high. 

Funny eh? 

I thought so too. 

Until I spent the better part of last weekend taking drugs...to no avail. It didn't seem to matter what I tried - I was stubbornly high.  

Like 18+ for five hours straight on Friday night. Despite numerous rage boluses. Despite at one point having enough insulin to kill me raging through my system and only dropping to 11 before climbing back up again. 

Like going to bed on Saturday night with a perfect number and waking up three hours later to find a 14.5 staring back at me. 

Like Sunday when I woke up to a perfectly wonderful 5.1, had my regular breakfast with my regular bolus, and was 13.5 a few hours later. Then 15.6. I rage bolused once, waited 30 minutes, saw no change, rage bolused again, waited 30 minutes, no change, rage bolused again. No change. By the time I dropped to 12.3 - that number looked almost heavenly. 

I chugged my water. I changed my infusion site and put fresh insulin into a new insulin cartridge. I was not sick nor did I feel like I was getting sick. No infections that I am aware of. No stress worth mentioning...unless the stress of being high leads to my being high. How's that for a vicious circle? 

It is not the week before my period. 

I had a tough swim workout on Friday which should have had me fighting to prevent lows all day. 

I ran 20k on Saturday and did not lower my basal insulin before, during or after the run. I should have fought lows all afternoon. Nope.  

This happens sometimes. A few days of unexplained highs. I can change my insulin rates but that tends to just lead to lows a few days later once everything settles. So I don't - unless it goes on for too long and then I do. Because I'm just plain fed up with the whole thing. 

In the meantime though, my blood sugar-addled brain starts thinking things it probably shouldn't think. Like maybe I'm becoming immune to insulin. Is that even possible? What if I am and that there will be no way to lower my blood sugar? And it just keeps climbing higher and higher...? Do I float away? 

What if all the insulin in my fridge has gone bad? All two boxes of it? Do I toss it all out? And buy more? Maybe I got a bad batch of pump supplies? Is that possible? They looked fine but who really knows if they are? 

What if my glucometer isn't working properly and I'm really not that high? What if I took too much insulin based on a false number and I'm going to go horribly low? I should double check my number. Yep, still 18. Oh wait. What if the glucometer got it wrong again? 

Then my blood sugar finally comes down enough for me to start thinking a little more rationally. And remind myself that this happens sometimes. And that diabetes sucks. And it's unpredictable. And annoying. And mean. And I'm not going to die because I randomly developed an immunity to insulin.

And my numbers settle back into their kinda predictable pattern and life resumes it's kinda predictable routine. 

And Blood Sugar Brain goes back into his box until the next time...